Blog

by Logan Ames

This week, I am sharing with you all how the Lord is currently at work in my life. While we often think of personal testimonies as “feel-good stories” that leave us encouraged and uplifted, not every work that God does in us actually feels good. Sometimes he does things that hurt but are desperately needed so that we are not completely destroyed. Let me be clear that God has not really done anything to me that hurts. Everything that hurts has been done by one person - ME! Yet, God is still there and still working. He is allowing me to experience consequences of my sins and other poor choices because he is drawing me back to him. How do I know he is doing this? It’s simple, really - he’s done it before!

Anyone who has seriously walked with the Lord knows that it’s not always easy. It’s not always a clear path that we can’t miss even if we try. The walk with God is not about religion, but relationship. That means that it’s not just following a list of rules, it’s going through life with God right there with you. One of my former pastors, current Worldview Warriors blogger Nathan Buck, once prayed for me during a time of struggle that I would experience what it’s like to truly walk with God in the sense that even when I start to go in the wrong direction, he simply puts his arm around me and says, “That’s not what I want for you, Logan, so let’s try this way”. It doesn’t mean God isn’t provoked to anger when we disobey repeatedly or isn’t heart-broken when one of his children walks away from him. What it does mean is that, as long as I’m still alive, it is impossible for me to walk so far away from him that I can no longer hear his voice calling me back to his path. King David summed it up this way: “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there” (Psalm 139:7-8). Whether I want to walk away from God or my choices pull me away from him, like the prodigal son I am never too far to come back until he determines my time is up.

My relationship with the Creator has also shown me just how much I am dependent on him, whether I realize it daily or not. A verse from the prophet Isaiah comes to mind: “Yet, oh Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand” (Isaiah 64:8). God made us in the sense that he created us, but it’s more than that. God doesn’t just leave us to fend for ourselves, he CONTINUES the process of making. He gives us what we need, whether it’s what we want or not.

God has used a recent contemporary song to speak to me about this over the past few weeks. The song is called “Keep Making Me” and is by the group Sidewalk Prophets. You can find a video of the song online and can find the lyrics here. The song is a prayer in which the singer asks God, “Make me broken, so I can be healed, ‘cause I’m so calloused, and now I can’t feel”. Later, the singer makes other strange requests with “make me empty” and “make me lonely”. Think about it. Those are three things NOBODY wants to be - broken, empty, and lonely. As a matter of fact, we do just about everything we can in this world to avoid those three states of being. But we can’t be healed or remade unless we are first broken. We can’t be filled unless we are first emptied. We can’t know what it’s like to be loved and belong to someone unless we are first lonely.

This is the essence of what God is doing in my life right now because it’s what I need. There have been times when sin was so common in my life that I barely even recognized it. Without the Holy Spirit revealing it, I would not have. Sin has made me calloused to where I couldn’t even feel anymore, so I’m asking God to break me in those areas so I can be truly healed. The singer in that song says he needs to be made emptied of his own will so that God can fill him back up. Again, this is me. Even when I know it’s not getting me anywhere, I’ve had the tendency to hold onto my own will. I’m asking God to make me empty. Finally, loneliness has certainly been one of my biggest fears as I’ve gotten older and has certainly contributed to sins in the other two areas. But I recognize that I can’t truly understand what it means to be loved by God and communicate that to others until I understand what it feels like to be lonely.

I have felt broken, empty, and lonely at times before in my life. So I know what those feelings are like to an extent. But, like most of you I presume, God gives me blessings that fill those areas and it’s not long before I’ve forgotten about God and simply cherished his blessings rather than adoring him. I hope that my openness about my life at this point has encouraged you to take a look at yours. Do you, like me, need to be made broken, empty, or lonely? God’s promise is that he will never leave you in that state. He is a God of restoration, abundant life, and love. Do you trust him enough to take you through the valley before bringing you to the top of the mountain? Or are you trying to get to the top of the mountain by your own power? No matter how much I fight what he is doing daily, I still KNOW that he is in the process of making me. Since Psalm 121:2 says he is the “Maker of heaven and earth”, I figure he can handle my life. It’s time to let go and trust him.