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by Ami Samuels

On January 1, 2014, my mom lost her valiant battle with cancer. She had fought for a year and a half, but a few days before Thanksgiving she fell and broke her hip. My mom was placed in a nursing home to recover, and when we returned to Illinois for Christmas she was very weak. We spent one evening with her upon our arrival and the next day she became violently ill and had to be hospitalized. We were unable to take her home for our Christmas Eve tradition and her presents went unopened. Mom was in extreme pain and we took turns staying with her around the clock as she was unable to communicate her needs to the nursing staff. A few days after Christmas we got the news that Mom’s cancer had spread to several of her vital organs and that she didn’t have long to live.

I remember thinking, “How am I going to get through this day? Yesterday was the most difficult day I have ever lived through and today will only be worse.” As I looked up at the ceiling I said out loud, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Even this, God?” I felt like he whispered, “Even this, Ami.” That day I had the strength to get through the day and the days to follow.

I asked to speak at my mother’s funeral. As I sat in the front row at the funeral home, listening to the songs that my family had chosen, I remember feeling as if there was nothing left of me to give. I was physically, mentally, and spiritually drained. As the words to the song “Go Rest High On That Mountain” by Vince Gill were coming to an end, I again prayed, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Even this, God?” I felt him whisper, “Even this, Ami,” as I stepped up to the podium to address family and friends.

Please go listen to Kari Jobe’s song “Find You On My Knees” at this link. This song was very comforting to me during this difficult time in my life. I hope that it brings comfort to you as well.

Paul wrote these words to the Philippians while he was in prison: “I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13). I am certain if I were sitting in a jail cell I would have more than a few “Even this?” moments, however Paul writes of being content in all circumstances; this is certainly something to aspire to. Paul recognizes that his strength comes from Christ and his contentment comes from a relationship with him.

If this post were longer I would share with you the other difficult situations that my family has faced this past year. Let’s just say 2014 was the most difficult year of my life, but God was faithful and gave me strength to conquer each day.

What is your “Even this?” moment? What are you struggling with? What situations are you facing that are beyond your control? Have you had a difficult year? Remember, as you prepare for a new year “You can do everything through him who gives you strength,” EVEN THIS.