Blog

by Eric Hansen

It’s been a little bit since I wrote my last article, and I’ll be finishing up my series on John 17 soon to get into some other topics I’m excited to write about. However, there’s a huge red flag waving its prominent face across all of Christianity that needs to be addressed: temptation.

When people think of temptation or research temptation, most results seem to be either more sexualized or ambiguous. Especially as a male, the only temptation people seem to want to talk about is masturbation, porn, and homosexuality (sometimes summarized as “lust”). While that is a very legitimate use for the term “temptation,” there’s much more to that. There’s greed, envy, depression, murder, etc. that can all be considered temptation as well.

If you’re wondering if something is a temptation, be honest with yourself and ask, “Is this keeping me from spending time with God?” Be honest. A job is not necessarily a temptation as you need to provide for yourself and your family through the gifts or opportunities God blessed you with. You also need time to recharge your emotional/mental batteries whichever way you do so (whether an introvert or an extrovert). But if you have a Bible and your phone next to you and you find that the phone is more enticing, that’s a temptation.

Over the past few months, and quite possibly way longer than that, I’ve been depressed. It never really crossed my mind to get checked for it because it was always taboo in my family. But recently, my therapist told me I really need to get some medication to help with my mood. I wasn’t suicidal, and I haven’t been for decades at this point, but the feelings I felt were the same as when I would do self-harm. I mention this just to paint a picture of the heavy, dark cloud that hung over me. It was enough to impact my day-to-day living but not enough to be alarming to myself. Most days just felt like any other until more recently when I sensed something was wrong but had only apathy about recovery.

This, for me, was temptation. It kept me away from God. Whenever I would finally read the Bible, I’d either find some joy or nothing at all, but in either scenario I felt alone. Each prayer I prayed felt like it just bounced right back to me, even if I was outside. Bluntly, it sucked, and I can’t imagine how Jesus felt when He had to cry out to God, “Why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46). David also shared the same sentiment in Psalm 22:1-2. The more I felt like nothing mattered in my life, the more I felt like my spiritual life was dead as well, and evil (whether Satan or demons) knew that all too well. This effectively just meant a cycle of emptiness growing bigger and bigger, just like any other sin from temptation that is left untreated.

There are many people who go through things like these and never speak about it. Most employees at my gym are veterans, and all have expressed that they or someone close to them from their squad either contemplated or committed suicide or know someone who has.

This is why having a firm grounding in faith and a home church is important, and this is groundbreaking for me to say as I had always been against the idea of a home church. But, for me, the real kicker that started the ball rolling toward improvement was the Holy Spirit pulling it out of me to admit how I’m feeling to the men’s group I’m in. Once that happened, everything just snowballed into me like an avalanche, but in the end it was needed and was in God’s hands.

I ended up going to my doctor and telling him everything that’s gone on lately, and he put me on an antidepressant. Other than my body adjusting to in some annoying ways, that has been worth it so far.

There are many options out there that are healthy, viable, and safe for anyone. A healthy church should by all accounts try to help you in times of need, but there are also friends, family, law enforcement, medics, hospitals, etc. that can help.

My therapist also told me that March and April are the highest months of suicide rates for the year, and perhaps that’s why I was led to write this and share what I have. But, even if not, I want to leave you with the fact that most countries have a hotline for suicide, depression, and crisis matters, and in America that’s dialing 988.

Remember, Jesus loves you!

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