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by Jason DeZurik

“Children should be educated and instructed in the principles of freedom.”
-John Adams, Defense of the Constitutions, 1787

Training up children in God’s way is very important; set them free! But teaching someone how to live in liberty while living out Godly ways can be very difficult.

I have been married for over 24 years now, and we have been blessed to have 6 wonderful children. I have also been coaching sports for over 15 years at various levels. Little did I realize how much coaching is really like parenting. For as many different styles of parenting there are out there, there are just as many styles of coaching.

My wife and I have taught our children not only the ways of God and how to live them out in the real world. We have lived out a permission giving household that allowed our children the most liberty possible when making decisions about things. Years ago, when we started our family, after some training and many conversations together with both of us listening to the other and sharing our thoughts, we decided to only have two rules in our home. We would expect first time obedience from our children, and if they did not comply, we would administer discipline lovingly but swiftly. In doing this, we allowed (and still to this day allow) our children the freedom to do what they want to do as long as they do not break the two rules we have in our family.

Rule #1: Do not lie; always tell the truth, even when it’s difficult.

Rule #2: Obey God and your mother and father. This also includes other people that your mother and father have put in authority over you.

In administering these rules, my wife and I have taken the responsibility of parenting on ourselves. We have taken our God-given responsibility seriously. We were and are now accepting of our responsibility for teaching our children the difference between right and wrong. We have taken that burden upon ourselves and no longer would blame our children for not “turning out right.” That burden is now squarely on us to teach, disciple, and love our children so they do not need to carry that responsibility of growing up as a burden; that is now our burden as their parents.

Our children can live in complete liberty and freedom and be children without worrying. We were able to make God the standard bearer and not us. In doing so, this helps our children look to God and not us as the one they answer to. Ultimately, God is the one who has set the standard; it is up to the parents to raise the bar to God’s standard and teach it. We strive for perfection, knowing it will not be achieved, but in doing so we expect an excellent Godly result.

If our children chose, within their own free will, to break the rules set before them, my wife and I already had decided long before the offense occurred what the consequence was going to be. My wife and I together came to an agreement, after much discussion and prayer, of what we both believed a proper consequence would be for our children choosing to break the rules of our home. We did that together; I did not lord over her, and she did not lord over me. We did this together and came to an agreement together. Time, patience, and self-control are so needed for a successful marriage, and I encourage all marriages to be founded upon Christ if you truly desire success.

We let our children know what was expected in our home and what the consequence of not following these two simple rules would be. In doing so, we trained and continue to train our children in God’s ways, allowing our children the freedom to do right or wrong, tell the truth or lie, obey or disobey. They get to choose, and when an offense occurs, it is up to my wife and me to follow through with the appointed consequence as soon as possible. If we didn’t do this, we would be sending our children a mixed message about what was right and wrong. Swift discipline is by far the best thing to administer. It helps a child learn what the offense truly was and helps them to learn not to do that again. So, fathers, get out of that easy chair and take your God-given responsibility seriously.

Coaching a team very similar to this. When a coach sends a mixed message to their team about what needs to be done on the field or court and someone chooses to go against what the coach wants (knowingly or unknowingly), if the coach does not discipline as soon as possible, not only is the player who committed the offense confused but also the rest of the team. Before you know it, chaos ensues. Generally, coaches like to blame their players for this chaos (or parents blame their children). This chaos exists because the person in charge (often the coach but parents are responsible for their own children) is not following through in swift discipline in order to teach what is expected. Pure selfishness and constraint are being taught instead of liberty and freedom.

I encourage us all to teach our children how to live a full and joy-filled life in all that they do. Live your own life by teaching real liberty in love.

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”
- Colossians 3:17-21

Fathers, make certain to teach your children the importance of living in liberty. Do not exasperate your children, and let’s start taking our God given responsibility seriously. Mothers, love, love, love your children and love, support, and respect your husband. Fathers, do not exasperate your children, and when you mess up, be a man! Confess your sin, ask for forgiveness, and lead in love, grace, and peace. Teach your children to mature in the Lord.

If you're interested in learning more about what Jason is suggesting here, check out his book How Being Consistent Changed Everything!

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