Conflict: it happens to all of us, but none of us like it. Conflict exists because of sin in this world, so we’ll have to deal with it our whole lives in various forms and with various people. So what does the Bible say about conflict?
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God” (James 4:1-2). That passage pretty much sums up why we have conflict; we look to others to fulfill our needs rather than looking to God, and we get frustrated when those needs are not fulfilled.
If we were all able to live perfect, sinless lives, conflict would not exist. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32). “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3-4). “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34). “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires” (James 1:19-20).
But, since we all mess up at that, we know we will have trouble and conflict in this world (John 16:33). So what can we do to resolve these conflicts?
One of the most common methods for dealing with conflict is described in detail in Matthew 18:15-17: “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
The other key method for conflict resolution is forgiveness. “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them” (Luke 17:3-4).
Sometimes, it is best to simply overlook the wrong that someone has done to you. Proverbs 19:11 says, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” But, we have to be careful that that overlooking doesn’t take root and turn into bitterness that we will later have to overcome.
Sometimes we can avoid conflict simply by following these words of Jesus in Matthew 5:38-42: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.”
Resolving conflict is so important that Jesus tells His followers to not even bring an offering to Him if we have unresolved conflict. “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-24).
How are you doing with conflict in your life? Are you causing it, avoiding it, or resolving it? As you go about your days, I encourage you to remember these words of the apostle Paul in Colossians 3:12-13: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
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